Aug 26, 9AM PST - As thirty anxious franchise representatives from the Razzball Dynasty Association logged into their futuristic consoles via time travel devices like Netscape and Firefox, RDA commissioner Stan Son stepped to the virtual stage amid forced applause and a few half-hearted boos.
"We're excited and honored for you all to be here for the next two to three months," Son began. "I hope you've already cut off your loved ones, shirked all personal responsibilities, and annihilated any need for future sleep. I'm honored to be your dictator for life and let me just say with one hundred percent confidence: I have no idea what the **** is about to happen next. Let's gooooooo!"
After giving a cursory head nod to fellow board members Alex, Brent, Kostas, and Tad, Son introduced the first thirty players nominated. Immortal names like Anthony Davis, James Harden, LeBron James, Danny Green, Serge Ibaka, Collin Sexton and touted rookie Zion "Ninety Dollars Thicc Plus" Williamson were all ushered into the green room to await their fate.
However, things came to a screeching halt rather quickly as confusion reigned over the proper use of the "outbid by $1" button. More chaos ensued as the cutting edge Couch Managers technology made refresh times up to forty life altering seconds. The horror!
"I liked it better when fantasy drafts were done with pen and paper," some owners were heard to grumble. "What's wrong with a whiteboard? You can write shit on both sides! That's what we did back then, write on both sides!"
As thirty hundredaires clutched their pearls and waited to see what would happen, one bold bidder emerged. "One hundred and fifty-nine dollars for the freak from Greece!" As each team rep scurried to call their capologist and check their bank accounts, the viewing audience was stunned. "What about value? What about rest days? What about signature shoes? What's the inflationary price on smoothies in 2020?!?"
And with that, the Razzball Dynasty Association era was off to a proper start. Congrats and thank you Son, for showing us the way...
[Edit: After fourteen plus hours, the first three players sold were: Giannis Antetokounmpo, D'Angelo Russell, and Russell Westbrook.]
